wtfbbqkthx

bipolar disorder anyone?

:D

I almost pissed myself laughing about myself today.
Right, so last week I went to say hello to someone I haven't seen for *thinks* 3 months. I had a huge crush on em (which started like 9 months ago). It included the whole set of racing heartbeat, sweaty hands, butterflies in my stomach and all. It had started to fade off and had all gone away while we didn't see each other. Altogether there was only 3 e-mails in the whole 3 months. 2 from me, and 1 for me.
So anyways, last week I discovered that ey wasn't there. Someone else told me, ey would come back this week. So despite all my self-control and pre-occupation with my border-soldier, I got quite excited over the weekend. When we actually did meet today it was really amusing. At first I just said hello, because I had to greet someone else, too.
lol, I can hardly type 'cos I'm laughing again.
So I went to see em, and was basically smiling like hell even though I had told myself I wouldn't. Promptly I got asked: "And how are you? Why are you beaming so much?" I totally didn't have an answer to that... wrong person, wrong time, and also wrong other people present, but I just laughed so hard when I was alone again...
Hilarious... the weirdness of my heart.
Although I kind of unlearned how to see eir beauty. I was really happy to see em, but the enchantingness (ugh, that's not a word) was gone.
But this is a really good example to tell my friend J. Em was like: "Yeah, if you don't see em, you'll be fine in two weeks." Ha Ha Ha! Like hell... the ones I really care about always drag along for aaages.

So yeah... see how I was last week? All madness and depression and losing track of time & reality. Now look at me this week (so far). Beaming, laughing, having fun. I wonder how long it's going to last.

OMG! I'm gonna buy a piano! I already tried out 3 last week, and another 3 today. Woah!!! Now THAT made me even happier! I just gotta go retry the first 3 soon - hopefully tomorrow - so I can have a real close comparison and then decide. Otherwise I'd have to wait until summer. Oh, hmm... maybe they'll all be cheaper then. Mmmh... I didn't think of that before, lol.

Does anyone know how fast new piano models go down in price?

Hmmm.. I'll research that now.

today is fucked up

and then I see a darkness
and then I see a darkness
did you know how much I love you
there's a hope that somehow you
can save me from this darkness


and then:

madness

madness

madness

madness

MADNESS

M A D N E S S ! ! !

maddening sadness engulfs the lonely hunter...
alone

always

all in my head?

So I've been listening to Rooney. Had the whole album on, and then song No. 10 made me hit z in Winamp and go back to listen to it again. And again. And again.

I told you before
I'm not looking for someone to hold me
Take your hand off my back
the weight is making me heavy
I don't like public affection
it belongs in the bedroom
Well I don't want to run around
I got plans in the afternoon

What did you expect?
Well I told you from the start
That I'm not your boyfriend

All the hope
All the pain
All the tears you cried
Every laugh
Every kiss
Every time I lied
Well I'm not what you think or dreamed of
It's all in your head

So what does that mean now? Basically I keep thinking about the border-soldier. Would this be what ey'd say to me if things were different, yet all the same? Does ey care? In any way?
Last time I saw em, we had a lot of eye contact. Never very long, because I was afraid I'd start crying, but quite a lot. I also hadn't expected to see em at all that day. I had been sure the 1min meeting the day before was the last one for now. Which I left without even saying good-bye. Ey said something to me, but there was someone else present, so I just felt I had to run away. I didn't want to start telling em things that are only for em, with someone else being there. And I also didn't want to force my presence on them.
So this unexpected new last meeting took me unaware. God, I wonder what ey could read from my eyes. Why was ey even looking my way, if ey believes in eir borders? Did ey just look the same at me as ey would've with anyone, and I'm just imagining it was way more than ey looked at my friends?
I'll never know I guess. There is no way I would ask em, I told em my good-byes and good wishes for the time to come. So now I'll just wait. Unless of course I can think of a relevant reason to speak to em. Which I guess I will never find.
Oh well... w7e!

Ok, not YouTube but...

Tom Milsom is teh hiro!!!



So this has been two posts about Tom Milsom. I guess I'll write about myself soon enough again.
Right now you should go and check out eir other youtube videos. They are amusing, amazing, funny, weird, odd, and generally entertaining.
I highly recommend eir 19 Penguins piece. But be sure to watch the short version first. It's better.

Right then, off to shower with Tom on repeat1. Woot. I should tell em that.

YouTube is teh hiro!

I loooove YouTube!

Free legal awesome music!!!