contemporary, jazzy, confuzzled, depressed mind

[...]
I'm broken down and hungry for your love
With no way to feed it
Where are you tonight? Child, you know how much I need it
Too young to hold on and too old to just break free and run
[...]
So I'll wait for you... And I'll burn
Will I ever see your sweet return, oh, or will I ever learn
[...]



So I'm listening to Jamie Cullum. Yes, stone me, I'm not listening to the original. I know, I know.... but I wanna listen to Jamie. There.

Last night I fell asleep on my sofa. Already wearing my PJs, so it was pretty cold. I had my bear (who is pretty big), so at least my belly was warm. Although I must've been somewhat awake still, cos I kept pressing next whenever there was a more happy piece of music in my Jamie playlist.

The most impressive line to me from Jeff's song is this one:
Too young to hold on and too old to just break free and run
It feels just like me. I'm not a teenager anymore, yet I don't feel grown-up yet either. I'm already running, yet there is nowhere to run to. Where can you run, when you're stuck in real life?

Growing up kinda sucks. A few weeks ago, someone told me about those hideous straws, which turn your milk into chocolate milk or strawberry milk, or w7e. They were really amused, but I just thought they are being nuts. What's the point in those straws. Totally useless, and they just create a frigging heap of rubbish. Environment and all. I've even started recycling my coffee cups. I drink like 4-5 cups of coffee a day when I'm at uni, and I started using my first one, whenever I get a real one from the bakery lady. When ey isn't there and I gotta use the vending mashine, I got no choice, 'cos it gives me a new cup anyways.
So back to growing up anyways. Half the time I hate it. Being a child was so ... well yeah.. easy. Actually it wasn't easy, but it was a lot easier than life is now. Then again, sometimes I wish I was already thirty-something. I believe that by then I will have found my path in life. I'll have a place, it should start spinning in only one direction instead of 25. Or 17 maybe.

I guess I'll go back to contemplating life... which never works out well for me...

sif.

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Currently listening to: Keith Jarrett - Part II C
via FoxyTunes

Woot, yay - more emo!

Yosh! Alright.
So on monday I had my exam and considering the circumstances it went pretty good. I could've done better in a different world, but it's done.
I'm already head first into the next assignment. Some research about webtechnologies. It's going ok I presume.

Coolest thing that happened this week so far is this:
I got access to a pretty good keyboard-thing. Full octaves, real size, dynamic strokes (w7e that's called in English). So I've been practising piano again. And on monday I actually made up my own song. I have no clue of harmonies and scales, yet it does sound like it's something.
It's still super short, just about 30 seconds, but I think I might be able to turn it into something. I re-did it yesterday and changed it around a bit.
Weird thing is, the few people I showed it to all agreed that the first version is better. I don't know... I think they're just different. Maybe I'll just stick them together and put them in the same song. Like one of them could be the bridge or something.

Also, I'm all emo again. Wow suprise. And when did I start using this stupid word. It's not emo. It's sad, depressed, down, dejected, disheartened, frustrated, blue, gloomy, woeful... but not emo.
So anyways... what makes me say so?
Well, I was writing again yesterday. And in the past few years, that only happens when I'm super down. I even like what I wrote, and that only happens when I feel the world will come down and crush me (which in this state of mind would be a pleasant thing).

Thanks to Annbjorg for this great pic.

Here's some extracts of what I wrote:

i'm standing naked in the rain
my eyes are closed
screwed shut to block the world
sky does what i cannot

and each of those a silent piercing scream

offering my heart to sky and night
may they enfold me in their blanket

yet deadness from inside has spread

So, the way life works, of course this has to do with love. What else. Sif!
I wish I could show the person whom this is about what I wrote. To clarify, or have a reason to talk, or to find a way to cry, w7e... But that's not possible. There's a boundary I have succumb to. I feel like I'm already tiptoeing around this border, so I don't wanna push it.

Ah well, life goes on, it's autumn, I'm melancholy, as always.
A close friend once told me: "..., I only have to look outside my window and check the calendar to know what mood you'll be in". I guess ey's right in some ways. Ah, my friends tell me so many truths. And yet I keep denying them the satisfaction of succeeding in pounding some wisdom into me.

Since, what would life be without hardships? Piece of cake. And everyone knows, cookies pwn cake anytime!

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Currently listening to: Matt Sweeney & Bonnie "Prince" Billy - I Gave You
via FoxyTunes

Procrastination!

Wow, 2 posts in one day.... Something is happening to the world I guess.

So basically I'm posting again, cos I found some links I wanna share. Needless to say, other people found the links before me, and I didn't even find them myself.

It started with a link I got posted in Google Talk. So I went to check it out.

Turns out, it's a blog with some nice photography shots. Oh, wait.. the heading for the next entry sounds interesting. Lets see.. "25 minimalistic websites".. nice.. let's try clicking that. Oh, another blog. Ok. So where are these websites? Ah... here they are... This one is cool... oh, and this one, too. Mhmh... I should tell someone about these... Uh? What's that last one? The Idiot Behind the Iron Mask? Sounds weird. Ah, but of course it's another blog. With the most stylish subtitle I've read on a blog so far...

"I’m the quintessential gentleman, the new black, the life of the party, a man amongst men, a connoisseur of beautiful women, and all that bullshit."

Very amusing, really. I like the style ey writes in, too.

"Who cares if the system proves itself to be tainted and problematic, of course. After all, why remove or fix a system that has not yet completely shut down, if it could still be used. (To use a rather pedantic analogy, why not continue using an already-lame donkey as a beast of burden, so long as all of its legs haven’t yet broken to render it completely useless?)"

So... I quote, I link, I paste... and procrastinate from studying.
Ah, well... what's life without risks and things like that. It would be too easy, if I always did the things I should. Finish in time without stress? Naaaaw... any fool can do that! You have to make it hard! Risk something! Bend the rules until they seem to snap! Yeah, baby, yeah...

Have you yet noticed? I like to finish my sentences with ... ... ^_~
It leaves room for interpretation, and as well as that, it's nicer to type..

yeah.. w7e

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Currently listening to: Bonnie 'Prince' Billy - The Seedling
via FoxyTunes

sometimes you could label me with "emo"

Actually I should be studying. It's even a subject I like. But I fail at studying. Never know where to start, what to do, and always on the move to find new music.
My greatest addiction, and yet I revel in it.

I just ordered two more Bonnie 'Prince' Billy albums from Amazon. Eir music is the best stuff I found for months. And it's so fitting with the view out of my window.

Black. Yellow. Grey. Brown.

So good it hurts:

Finally a new post, and tons of new music.

This is it.
New post after a good month of not writing. I had several reasons for not posting, but none of them are of any real importance, so no point in listing them up here.

So what's to tell.
I got a bunch of new CDs. You might wonder why I still bother to get CDs, since iTunes and so on are so much faster. Well, for one, I love having real CDs on my shelf. It shows people what I listen to, and the artwork is great. Apart from that, I like to have something to touch, and I daresay, it's far more likely for my harddrive to die, than for my CDs to go missing or anything.

Till Brönner - Oceana
**********
This is my absolute favourite of all my new CDs. It's jazz. Till plays trumpet but ey also sings. Some say ey shouldn't have started singing. I don't know eir previous albums, so I can't tell. I just know I really like this CD. I was so happy when it finally arrived. It first attracted my attention when I saw it in someone's car.
The cover is quite striking really. So when I had access to the internet again, I tried to remember the artist and album name and with some searching found it. Lucky for me, Amazon had listening samples for this album. So I tried them out and I pressed play on them for a whole evening to listen to them again and again.
On Wednesday when I got home, I finally had the CD in my mailbox. So first thing I did was to put it into my CD player and start listening. I haven't done this sort of thing for ever. There's always some music on, but usually I do stuff at the same time. Not this time though. I simply sat, watched the autumn wind play with the trees, smelled my vanilla candle, and listened to this wonderful music.
I'm so happy I bought this CD.


Bonnie 'Prince' Billy - The Letting Go
**********
Second favourite of the new stuff. It's kinda hard to describe the musical style of this. On Last.fm he is tagged with folk, alt-country and indie. I'm not sure if that's what it is, but I'd definitely say it's alternative.
This album is unbearably melancholic, but what's better suited for the dawning of autumn than this. Or rather for autumn itself, since it's in full play already. The backing vocals of Dawn McCarthy add some really beauty to his songs. Since aquiring this album I've had the chance to listen to some of eir previous songs, and eir voice really enriches the sound.
My favourite tracks on this album are Wai and No Bad News.

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Currently listening to: Till Brönner - This Guy's In Love With You
via FoxyTunes