the weather is not on my side. Windy, Cloudy, semi-warm-cold... typical autumn weather.. makes me feel close to back then. thinking about love, life, goals, timing, ... just not much fun.
go listen to this:
and this:
and this:
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
I'm not hungry
lunch just takes too long. after all, I'd rather spend my free time at home, not sitting in some dodgy restaurant waiting for other people to finish eating and chatting about meaningless this-and-that.
Monday, August 4, 2008
Google!
Wow, this is the first site Google shows up upon searching for w7e. Quite amusing. Also, I get around 10 hits every week, even if I don't write anything. Even more amusing. I should check out my statistics and find out what people searched for when they hit my blog. Because I'm pretty sure they didn't search for some random blog. LOL!
So yeah, I've had a couple of not so great experiences - regarding love, what else - but all in all I'm good.
I'm going on holiday soon, which will be awesome. Or so I hope, haha. I might die, which is a serious possibility regarding where I'm going, but I'm not scared. I might be put in jail upon me leaving the country, that scares me more. I might not come home for a very long time, which doesn't scare me either. It would just give me an excuse to not finish my education - again.
Well, I'm starving, so I'll go search for some food.
oh, music!!!! How could I forget!
- Anathema
- Lambchop
- Calexico
So yeah, I've had a couple of not so great experiences - regarding love, what else - but all in all I'm good.
I'm going on holiday soon, which will be awesome. Or so I hope, haha. I might die, which is a serious possibility regarding where I'm going, but I'm not scared. I might be put in jail upon me leaving the country, that scares me more. I might not come home for a very long time, which doesn't scare me either. It would just give me an excuse to not finish my education - again.
Well, I'm starving, so I'll go search for some food.
oh, music!!!! How could I forget!
- Anathema
- Lambchop
- Calexico
Friday, June 13, 2008
Woooow depression... ehm, I mean.. yes!!! Life is great!!!!!
What the fuck is with people?
Ok.. here's the facts:
* I like a person
* we get along really well
* I got a crush and ey are sexy
here's what happened:
* I tried to see em more often
* I put an effort into saying more than just "Hi"
* Ey asked me for how long I'd be around this time
* Ey asked me where my new place is
* I asked em, if ey wanted to go do something on the weekend
* When we met, ey gave me about 5 pieces of advise on how to meet people
* I got a mail from em, saying how the weekends are eir's alone, and for relationship, family, sports, etc
* I sent a reply saying, I only wanted us to be friends, and that it's totally fine.
Thing is:
IT'S NOT FINE!!!
I constantly get turned down. Either I like people who like me as a person, but for all sorts of reasons don't want to be with me. Be it that they want work to strictly stay work, be it that they aren't gay, be it that they are afraid of what might happen.
And the other part of people that do like me... well I don't like them. Not in a romantic kind of way anyways.
Seriously this kind of infatuation REALLY sucks. I fall for the same kind of people every single time. Usually older than me, and with one reason or the other, not to be with me.
I just don't get it.
What's so bad in a relationship or friendship with someone half your age? I have friends who are half my age, and sure, there are thing I don't get and things they don't get, but all in all we really get along.
Stupid bloody piece of shit society!
Back to my relationship with redwine. At least here I won't get turned down.
//on a side-note: I drank my first ever Champagne at work today!
Ok.. here's the facts:
* I like a person
* we get along really well
* I got a crush and ey are sexy
here's what happened:
* I tried to see em more often
* I put an effort into saying more than just "Hi"
* Ey asked me for how long I'd be around this time
* Ey asked me where my new place is
* I asked em, if ey wanted to go do something on the weekend
* When we met, ey gave me about 5 pieces of advise on how to meet people
* I got a mail from em, saying how the weekends are eir's alone, and for relationship, family, sports, etc
* I sent a reply saying, I only wanted us to be friends, and that it's totally fine.
Thing is:
IT'S NOT FINE!!!
I constantly get turned down. Either I like people who like me as a person, but for all sorts of reasons don't want to be with me. Be it that they want work to strictly stay work, be it that they aren't gay, be it that they are afraid of what might happen.
And the other part of people that do like me... well I don't like them. Not in a romantic kind of way anyways.
Seriously this kind of infatuation REALLY sucks. I fall for the same kind of people every single time. Usually older than me, and with one reason or the other, not to be with me.
I just don't get it.
What's so bad in a relationship or friendship with someone half your age? I have friends who are half my age, and sure, there are thing I don't get and things they don't get, but all in all we really get along.
Stupid bloody piece of shit society!
Back to my relationship with redwine. At least here I won't get turned down.
//on a side-note: I drank my first ever Champagne at work today!
Friday, June 6, 2008
Amazing...
I didn't post anything for weeks, and yet I had huge amounts of visitors in May. Where's the sense in that? Kinda weird.
unexplained phenomena
Hmm.. so what happened since my last post. Right now I'd say not much, but of course that's not true.
Let's see:
1) I'm at work again. No marks for my exams yet, but we're handing in the last piece of work today, so now it shouldn't take too long to get them all.
2) I moved into a flat (appartment) with 2 friends. So far it's going really well.
3) I've taken up piano lessons. Worst thing about those is simply, that they're expensive. Second worst thing is all the things I need to re-learn, or haven't learned in the first place that I need to learn now. C major scale.. haha.. but well.. it's not as easy as it sounds. I really like it. The teacher is great, and ey's showing me exactly all the things I haven't learned yet. Although it's a little frustrating, knowing that I played quite advanced Mozart and Beethoven and stuffs, and now I'm stuck with the most simple of things and they are actually hard.
4) Currently not in love with anyone. Quite surprisingly. Loving tons of people, but no infatuation. I'm quite glad about it, since it means a huge chaos-factor is removed from my life for now. There's a person whom I find very intriguing, but ey is - of course - not reachable for me. I tried to ask em out for a date-like thing, but got declined.
5) I'm getting my eyes operated. They'll be putting extra lenses inside my eye, and afterwards I'll be unbound from the burden of glasses! Hooray me. More about this some other time. And just to scare you off, a little video of what it'll be like:
Hum yes.. tons of posts in one. :D
unexplained phenomena
Hmm.. so what happened since my last post. Right now I'd say not much, but of course that's not true.
Let's see:
1) I'm at work again. No marks for my exams yet, but we're handing in the last piece of work today, so now it shouldn't take too long to get them all.
2) I moved into a flat (appartment) with 2 friends. So far it's going really well.
3) I've taken up piano lessons. Worst thing about those is simply, that they're expensive. Second worst thing is all the things I need to re-learn, or haven't learned in the first place that I need to learn now. C major scale.. haha.. but well.. it's not as easy as it sounds. I really like it. The teacher is great, and ey's showing me exactly all the things I haven't learned yet. Although it's a little frustrating, knowing that I played quite advanced Mozart and Beethoven and stuffs, and now I'm stuck with the most simple of things and they are actually hard.
4) Currently not in love with anyone. Quite surprisingly. Loving tons of people, but no infatuation. I'm quite glad about it, since it means a huge chaos-factor is removed from my life for now. There's a person whom I find very intriguing, but ey is - of course - not reachable for me. I tried to ask em out for a date-like thing, but got declined.
5) I'm getting my eyes operated. They'll be putting extra lenses inside my eye, and afterwards I'll be unbound from the burden of glasses! Hooray me. More about this some other time. And just to scare you off, a little video of what it'll be like:
Hum yes.. tons of posts in one. :D
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
So where's the difference?
love, longing, infatuation, attraction, having a crush, being in love, affection, desire...
When do you know which one of those it is that you're feeling?
How do you define it? Does love need to be defined? Then, if it doesn't... how do you draw a line between love and lust, infatuation and desire? Does there even have to be a line?
So I'm thinking, if the world is perfect, no there doesn't have to be a line. But it's not perfect, so yes, there needs to be lines. I certainly need them.
And in my eyes, yes, there is a difference between all those things.. well, tons of differences to be true.
But how do you know? Which one is important? Is lust important? Or is love? Are both? Or none?
If you could chose to have one fulfilled forever, which one would it be?
The way I behave, I guess my choice would be infatuation. But not the sloppy selfish kind.
No, it would have to be the one which feels like eternity. When you see the one you're infatuated with, and all you ever want to do is make them happy. If it happens they make you happy, too, along the way, that's all the better. So for me, the difference between love and lust is the point where you start to make a different choice. When I'm infatuated the sloppy selfish way, I want to be touched and held and just looked at in that special way. I get butterflys inside my stomach, sweaty hands, sad when I can't meet em. But the real way, the one that counts is, when I still want to be in contact, but not for me, for the other one. When I do stupid silly things, just to see em smile, even laugh about me. It's when you get the other one a coffee and never even think a second about being repaid. The only payment you receive is a smile, and that's even just a bonus. It's all just bonus.
It's just bad that this kind of caring is the one that seems to hurt the most. Seems like that right now anyways. Pfff, always seems like the worst. Wanting to do good, and not being allowed to.
Yesh, yesh, yesh... I'm rambling and being emo.. don't listen to me.
Have a nice day.
Listening to Scout Niblett - Drummer Boy
When do you know which one of those it is that you're feeling?
How do you define it? Does love need to be defined? Then, if it doesn't... how do you draw a line between love and lust, infatuation and desire? Does there even have to be a line?
So I'm thinking, if the world is perfect, no there doesn't have to be a line. But it's not perfect, so yes, there needs to be lines. I certainly need them.
And in my eyes, yes, there is a difference between all those things.. well, tons of differences to be true.
But how do you know? Which one is important? Is lust important? Or is love? Are both? Or none?
If you could chose to have one fulfilled forever, which one would it be?
The way I behave, I guess my choice would be infatuation. But not the sloppy selfish kind.
No, it would have to be the one which feels like eternity. When you see the one you're infatuated with, and all you ever want to do is make them happy. If it happens they make you happy, too, along the way, that's all the better. So for me, the difference between love and lust is the point where you start to make a different choice. When I'm infatuated the sloppy selfish way, I want to be touched and held and just looked at in that special way. I get butterflys inside my stomach, sweaty hands, sad when I can't meet em. But the real way, the one that counts is, when I still want to be in contact, but not for me, for the other one. When I do stupid silly things, just to see em smile, even laugh about me. It's when you get the other one a coffee and never even think a second about being repaid. The only payment you receive is a smile, and that's even just a bonus. It's all just bonus.
It's just bad that this kind of caring is the one that seems to hurt the most. Seems like that right now anyways. Pfff, always seems like the worst. Wanting to do good, and not being allowed to.
Yesh, yesh, yesh... I'm rambling and being emo.. don't listen to me.
Have a nice day.
Listening to Scout Niblett - Drummer Boy
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
I don't get it... I friggin' don't get it
This is so confusing!!!
K, start with the beginning. (Makes sense, dun it?)
A few days ago, my ex sent me a text: "what do you want for christmas?". Now that on it's own just made me think "WTF?! Are you serious? It's been 2 years, we live like a million miles apart. You wanna give me something for xmas, but you didn't for my birthday. Weird priorities. And besides.. how should I fucking know what I want??? I have no clue." So that might sound a bit harsh, but it was mostly in the style of wtf...
So, today I finally found something I want (other than some boring DVD). So I told em, and ey was like "are you sure?" and I was like "yeah." And then after ey said ok, I realised I could ask em to come visit in summer, and make eir flights the present, cos I went to see em this summer. So ey said ey already ordered it, and that ey might go someplace else in summer anyways.
My reaction to that was "O.o" And I asked em "with whom?"
And it seems like that might be more than "my family" because ey wanted to know if ey should tell me before or after sports. So what if ey's got a relationship now?! Just the thought of that makes me freak out.
It has been really long since we were together, and when I went to see em, it was more than a normal friendship, but it wasn't bitter or too much or anything either. It was really good actually. So why does the possibility of em with a new partner freak me out so much?!?!!
And also, on my way home today, there was a trio playing swing in the train station. I stopped to listen and the first song they played was Autumn Leaves. They were great. Most people that stopped were mothers with children no bigger than up to their knees. I fucking almost cried. I so much want a family, too. But how on earth is that going to happen??? I pushed away the person who would've done that with me, and now I keep falling in love with the most impossible people ever, and ... there's like a million reasons why it seems it will never ever fucking happen.
Fucking stupid piece of shit this life is... Someone tell me where the reset button is...
K, start with the beginning. (Makes sense, dun it?)
A few days ago, my ex sent me a text: "what do you want for christmas?". Now that on it's own just made me think "WTF?! Are you serious? It's been 2 years, we live like a million miles apart. You wanna give me something for xmas, but you didn't for my birthday. Weird priorities. And besides.. how should I fucking know what I want??? I have no clue." So that might sound a bit harsh, but it was mostly in the style of wtf...
So, today I finally found something I want (other than some boring DVD). So I told em, and ey was like "are you sure?" and I was like "yeah." And then after ey said ok, I realised I could ask em to come visit in summer, and make eir flights the present, cos I went to see em this summer. So ey said ey already ordered it, and that ey might go someplace else in summer anyways.
My reaction to that was "O.o" And I asked em "with whom?"
And it seems like that might be more than "my family" because ey wanted to know if ey should tell me before or after sports. So what if ey's got a relationship now?! Just the thought of that makes me freak out.
It has been really long since we were together, and when I went to see em, it was more than a normal friendship, but it wasn't bitter or too much or anything either. It was really good actually. So why does the possibility of em with a new partner freak me out so much?!?!!
And also, on my way home today, there was a trio playing swing in the train station. I stopped to listen and the first song they played was Autumn Leaves. They were great. Most people that stopped were mothers with children no bigger than up to their knees. I fucking almost cried. I so much want a family, too. But how on earth is that going to happen??? I pushed away the person who would've done that with me, and now I keep falling in love with the most impossible people ever, and ... there's like a million reasons why it seems it will never ever fucking happen.
Fucking stupid piece of shit this life is... Someone tell me where the reset button is...
Sunday, November 18, 2007
gentleman or so
Amusing things happen sometimes.
Yesterday I was told: "You're a perfect man". Just for helping a really nice girl into eir jacket and holding eir bag, ey was putting on eir scarf.
Now this whole thing would seem totally normal, if I wasn't a girl myself ^_^ And the guy who likes em, and took em on a date on friday was right next to us. So funny. Ey didn't even get the idea to do it. I wonder... but I generally wonder too much.. so I shouldn't.
I'm guessing on some part of me, ey is right with what ey said. I really enjoyed doing that, but I don't like it, when guys do it to me. Makes me feel like a granny. Now, holding doors open for me, that's fine. I don't know why I like the one courtesy, and don't like the other.
I do know that I do like that girl though. But 1) I'm far too occupied with the border-drawing-person and 2) I think ey'll end up with the non-gentleman-guy anyways...
But I liked being called a "perfect man".
Yesterday I was told: "You're a perfect man". Just for helping a really nice girl into eir jacket and holding eir bag, ey was putting on eir scarf.
Now this whole thing would seem totally normal, if I wasn't a girl myself ^_^ And the guy who likes em, and took em on a date on friday was right next to us. So funny. Ey didn't even get the idea to do it. I wonder... but I generally wonder too much.. so I shouldn't.
I'm guessing on some part of me, ey is right with what ey said. I really enjoyed doing that, but I don't like it, when guys do it to me. Makes me feel like a granny. Now, holding doors open for me, that's fine. I don't know why I like the one courtesy, and don't like the other.
I do know that I do like that girl though. But 1) I'm far too occupied with the border-drawing-person and 2) I think ey'll end up with the non-gentleman-guy anyways...
But I liked being called a "perfect man".
Saturday, November 10, 2007
contemporary, jazzy, confuzzled, depressed mind
[...]
I'm broken down and hungry for your love
With no way to feed it
Where are you tonight? Child, you know how much I need it
Too young to hold on and too old to just break free and run
[...]
So I'll wait for you... And I'll burn
Will I ever see your sweet return, oh, or will I ever learn
[...]
So I'm listening to Jamie Cullum. Yes, stone me, I'm not listening to the original. I know, I know.... but I wanna listen to Jamie. There.
Last night I fell asleep on my sofa. Already wearing my PJs, so it was pretty cold. I had my bear (who is pretty big), so at least my belly was warm. Although I must've been somewhat awake still, cos I kept pressing next whenever there was a more happy piece of music in my Jamie playlist.
The most impressive line to me from Jeff's song is this one:
Too young to hold on and too old to just break free and run
It feels just like me. I'm not a teenager anymore, yet I don't feel grown-up yet either. I'm already running, yet there is nowhere to run to. Where can you run, when you're stuck in real life?
Growing up kinda sucks. A few weeks ago, someone told me about those hideous straws, which turn your milk into chocolate milk or strawberry milk, or w7e. They were really amused, but I just thought they are being nuts. What's the point in those straws. Totally useless, and they just create a frigging heap of rubbish. Environment and all. I've even started recycling my coffee cups. I drink like 4-5 cups of coffee a day when I'm at uni, and I started using my first one, whenever I get a real one from the bakery lady. When ey isn't there and I gotta use the vending mashine, I got no choice, 'cos it gives me a new cup anyways.
So back to growing up anyways. Half the time I hate it. Being a child was so ... well yeah.. easy. Actually it wasn't easy, but it was a lot easier than life is now. Then again, sometimes I wish I was already thirty-something. I believe that by then I will have found my path in life. I'll have a place, it should start spinning in only one direction instead of 25. Or 17 maybe.
I guess I'll go back to contemplating life... which never works out well for me...
sif.
----------------
Currently listening to: Keith Jarrett - Part II C
via FoxyTunes
I'm broken down and hungry for your love
With no way to feed it
Where are you tonight? Child, you know how much I need it
Too young to hold on and too old to just break free and run
[...]
So I'll wait for you... And I'll burn
Will I ever see your sweet return, oh, or will I ever learn
[...]
So I'm listening to Jamie Cullum. Yes, stone me, I'm not listening to the original. I know, I know.... but I wanna listen to Jamie. There.
Last night I fell asleep on my sofa. Already wearing my PJs, so it was pretty cold. I had my bear (who is pretty big), so at least my belly was warm. Although I must've been somewhat awake still, cos I kept pressing next whenever there was a more happy piece of music in my Jamie playlist.
The most impressive line to me from Jeff's song is this one:
Too young to hold on and too old to just break free and run
It feels just like me. I'm not a teenager anymore, yet I don't feel grown-up yet either. I'm already running, yet there is nowhere to run to. Where can you run, when you're stuck in real life?
Growing up kinda sucks. A few weeks ago, someone told me about those hideous straws, which turn your milk into chocolate milk or strawberry milk, or w7e. They were really amused, but I just thought they are being nuts. What's the point in those straws. Totally useless, and they just create a frigging heap of rubbish. Environment and all. I've even started recycling my coffee cups. I drink like 4-5 cups of coffee a day when I'm at uni, and I started using my first one, whenever I get a real one from the bakery lady. When ey isn't there and I gotta use the vending mashine, I got no choice, 'cos it gives me a new cup anyways.
So back to growing up anyways. Half the time I hate it. Being a child was so ... well yeah.. easy. Actually it wasn't easy, but it was a lot easier than life is now. Then again, sometimes I wish I was already thirty-something. I believe that by then I will have found my path in life. I'll have a place, it should start spinning in only one direction instead of 25. Or 17 maybe.
I guess I'll go back to contemplating life... which never works out well for me...
sif.
----------------
Currently listening to: Keith Jarrett - Part II C
via FoxyTunes
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
Woot, yay - more emo!
Yosh! Alright.
So on monday I had my exam and considering the circumstances it went pretty good. I could've done better in a different world, but it's done.
I'm already head first into the next assignment. Some research about webtechnologies. It's going ok I presume.
Coolest thing that happened this week so far is this:
I got access to a pretty good keyboard-thing. Full octaves, real size, dynamic strokes (w7e that's called in English). So I've been practising piano again. And on monday I actually made up my own song. I have no clue of harmonies and scales, yet it does sound like it's something.
It's still super short, just about 30 seconds, but I think I might be able to turn it into something. I re-did it yesterday and changed it around a bit.
Weird thing is, the few people I showed it to all agreed that the first version is better. I don't know... I think they're just different. Maybe I'll just stick them together and put them in the same song. Like one of them could be the bridge or something.
Also, I'm all emo again. Wow suprise. And when did I start using this stupid word. It's not emo. It's sad, depressed, down, dejected, disheartened, frustrated, blue, gloomy, woeful... but not emo.
So anyways... what makes me say so?
Well, I was writing again yesterday. And in the past few years, that only happens when I'm super down. I even like what I wrote, and that only happens when I feel the world will come down and crush me (which in this state of mind would be a pleasant thing).
Here's some extracts of what I wrote:
So, the way life works, of course this has to do with love. What else. Sif!
I wish I could show the person whom this is about what I wrote. To clarify, or have a reason to talk, or to find a way to cry, w7e... But that's not possible. There's a boundary I have succumb to. I feel like I'm already tiptoeing around this border, so I don't wanna push it.
Ah well, life goes on, it's autumn, I'm melancholy, as always.
A close friend once told me: "..., I only have to look outside my window and check the calendar to know what mood you'll be in". I guess ey's right in some ways. Ah, my friends tell me so many truths. And yet I keep denying them the satisfaction of succeeding in pounding some wisdom into me.
Since, what would life be without hardships? Piece of cake. And everyone knows, cookies pwn cake anytime!
----------------
Currently listening to: Matt Sweeney & Bonnie "Prince" Billy - I Gave You
via FoxyTunes
So on monday I had my exam and considering the circumstances it went pretty good. I could've done better in a different world, but it's done.
I'm already head first into the next assignment. Some research about webtechnologies. It's going ok I presume.
Coolest thing that happened this week so far is this:
I got access to a pretty good keyboard-thing. Full octaves, real size, dynamic strokes (w7e that's called in English). So I've been practising piano again. And on monday I actually made up my own song. I have no clue of harmonies and scales, yet it does sound like it's something.
It's still super short, just about 30 seconds, but I think I might be able to turn it into something. I re-did it yesterday and changed it around a bit.
Weird thing is, the few people I showed it to all agreed that the first version is better. I don't know... I think they're just different. Maybe I'll just stick them together and put them in the same song. Like one of them could be the bridge or something.
Also, I'm all emo again. Wow suprise. And when did I start using this stupid word. It's not emo. It's sad, depressed, down, dejected, disheartened, frustrated, blue, gloomy, woeful... but not emo.
So anyways... what makes me say so?
Well, I was writing again yesterday. And in the past few years, that only happens when I'm super down. I even like what I wrote, and that only happens when I feel the world will come down and crush me (which in this state of mind would be a pleasant thing).
Thanks to Annbjorg for this great pic.
Here's some extracts of what I wrote:
i'm standing naked in the rain
my eyes are closed
screwed shut to block the world
sky does what i cannot
and each of those a silent piercing scream
offering my heart to sky and night
may they enfold me in their blanket
yet deadness from inside has spread
So, the way life works, of course this has to do with love. What else. Sif!
I wish I could show the person whom this is about what I wrote. To clarify, or have a reason to talk, or to find a way to cry, w7e... But that's not possible. There's a boundary I have succumb to. I feel like I'm already tiptoeing around this border, so I don't wanna push it.
Ah well, life goes on, it's autumn, I'm melancholy, as always.
A close friend once told me: "..., I only have to look outside my window and check the calendar to know what mood you'll be in". I guess ey's right in some ways. Ah, my friends tell me so many truths. And yet I keep denying them the satisfaction of succeeding in pounding some wisdom into me.
Since, what would life be without hardships? Piece of cake. And everyone knows, cookies pwn cake anytime!
----------------
Currently listening to: Matt Sweeney & Bonnie "Prince" Billy - I Gave You
via FoxyTunes
Saturday, September 22, 2007
Jim Carroll - Basketball Diaries
I just watched TV again for the first time in... months I think. It was just after 8, and I was about to watch some anime, when I thought "hey, lets check what's on TV". So there it was...
The Basketball Diaries:
**********
A movie I have heard so much about. Mostly that DiCaprio is supossed to be really good in it. I'm not a movie critic, but I agree. Compare eir facial expression from this movie, to what ey does in.. say.. Aviator. No comparison at all in my eyes. But anyways... that movie is not about DiCaprio.
It's about life. How - if you're not careful - life can fuck you over, and over, and over. And it won't stop doing that until you stand up to it. Sometimes you get stand up by someone else. But that's only if you get really lucky. Mostly it's you that has to do the work. Which, I guess, is the way it's meant to be. Yet it's overpowering most of the time. Seems like that to me anyways. Life doesn't just go on. You have to make it go on. If you just sit and wait, time will roll around you, the world will turn, but you'll stay fixed right where you are, rotting away inside. That sounds harsh, but it really is what I think happens.
If you don't move, you die. Simple as that.
But apart from that, this movie is about beauty. Remember the scene where he lies on the roof, naked, and masturbates. The masturbation is just a side effect of being a teenager. The reality of that scene is the beauty of the world. Away from all the chaos, and noise, and pain, hunger, scars and what else there may be. Pure beauty. "I just wanna be pure, I just wanna be pure."
Then, a little bit later, Bobby dies. And ey reads out eir lines about the rain.
"You're growing up. And rain sort of remains on the branches of a tree that will someday rule the Earth. And it's good that there is rain. It clears the month of your sorry rainbow expressions, and it clears the streets of the silent armies... so we can dance."
Beautiful. And so true.
That movie really touched something. I keep thinking quite a lot these days, but this is going a bit further. It's not just scraping, it's cutting. Usually I pull my thoughts back before they hurt. Some kind of self preservation thing maybe. Or just fear. Won't know until I go there for real. Self-analysis is a weird thing to do. Specially since you never know if you're right, or if you're just making things up to have excuses for all the stuff you do or don't do.
Okay, my mind is refusing to go further.
For now.
The Basketball Diaries:
**********
A movie I have heard so much about. Mostly that DiCaprio is supossed to be really good in it. I'm not a movie critic, but I agree. Compare eir facial expression from this movie, to what ey does in.. say.. Aviator. No comparison at all in my eyes. But anyways... that movie is not about DiCaprio.
It's about life. How - if you're not careful - life can fuck you over, and over, and over. And it won't stop doing that until you stand up to it. Sometimes you get stand up by someone else. But that's only if you get really lucky. Mostly it's you that has to do the work. Which, I guess, is the way it's meant to be. Yet it's overpowering most of the time. Seems like that to me anyways. Life doesn't just go on. You have to make it go on. If you just sit and wait, time will roll around you, the world will turn, but you'll stay fixed right where you are, rotting away inside. That sounds harsh, but it really is what I think happens.
If you don't move, you die. Simple as that.
But apart from that, this movie is about beauty. Remember the scene where he lies on the roof, naked, and masturbates. The masturbation is just a side effect of being a teenager. The reality of that scene is the beauty of the world. Away from all the chaos, and noise, and pain, hunger, scars and what else there may be. Pure beauty. "I just wanna be pure, I just wanna be pure."
Then, a little bit later, Bobby dies. And ey reads out eir lines about the rain.
"You're growing up. And rain sort of remains on the branches of a tree that will someday rule the Earth. And it's good that there is rain. It clears the month of your sorry rainbow expressions, and it clears the streets of the silent armies... so we can dance."
Beautiful. And so true.
That movie really touched something. I keep thinking quite a lot these days, but this is going a bit further. It's not just scraping, it's cutting. Usually I pull my thoughts back before they hurt. Some kind of self preservation thing maybe. Or just fear. Won't know until I go there for real. Self-analysis is a weird thing to do. Specially since you never know if you're right, or if you're just making things up to have excuses for all the stuff you do or don't do.
Okay, my mind is refusing to go further.
For now.
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