Saturday, November 24, 2007

all in my head?

So I've been listening to Rooney. Had the whole album on, and then song No. 10 made me hit z in Winamp and go back to listen to it again. And again. And again.

I told you before
I'm not looking for someone to hold me
Take your hand off my back
the weight is making me heavy
I don't like public affection
it belongs in the bedroom
Well I don't want to run around
I got plans in the afternoon

What did you expect?
Well I told you from the start
That I'm not your boyfriend

All the hope
All the pain
All the tears you cried
Every laugh
Every kiss
Every time I lied
Well I'm not what you think or dreamed of
It's all in your head

So what does that mean now? Basically I keep thinking about the border-soldier. Would this be what ey'd say to me if things were different, yet all the same? Does ey care? In any way?
Last time I saw em, we had a lot of eye contact. Never very long, because I was afraid I'd start crying, but quite a lot. I also hadn't expected to see em at all that day. I had been sure the 1min meeting the day before was the last one for now. Which I left without even saying good-bye. Ey said something to me, but there was someone else present, so I just felt I had to run away. I didn't want to start telling em things that are only for em, with someone else being there. And I also didn't want to force my presence on them.
So this unexpected new last meeting took me unaware. God, I wonder what ey could read from my eyes. Why was ey even looking my way, if ey believes in eir borders? Did ey just look the same at me as ey would've with anyone, and I'm just imagining it was way more than ey looked at my friends?
I'll never know I guess. There is no way I would ask em, I told em my good-byes and good wishes for the time to come. So now I'll just wait. Unless of course I can think of a relevant reason to speak to em. Which I guess I will never find.
Oh well... w7e!

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